Cold in Louisiana
by Mike Maher
My house doesn’t have heat. It’s very cold in here. I have a couple of space heaters, but one doesn’t really work. I don’t have a car and the pipes froze in my bathroom. My best bet is to wash dishes with the warm water that works in the kitchen. But I already did the leftover dishes from last night. It’s a shame that I’ve been better about making sure there isn’t a pile of dishes sitting in the sink, I could be still washing the dishes. If another person tells me “oh this is nothing” or “you haven’t seen cold, in New York it’s like this all winter” I swear I’m gunna bop em in the nose. We’re not in New York, wise guy. Someone told me yesterday, they said, “it’s only gunna be cold in the morning.” Well, it’s almost noon and it’s still freezing, my backyard is still covered in a mix of snow and sleet. I wish I could remember who said that to me, I’d send em a text message or something. Maybe next time I see em I’ll ask em what the weather looks like tomorrow sarcastically cause apparently they’re so good at predicting the weather. But I’m not gunna cause I can’t for the life of me remember who said that.