Sam’s swamp readings

by Sam Baker

Flora and Fauna of the Swamp: Which One Are You?

Have you ever been lazily floating along in a kayak, stumble upon a gator or particularly charismatic clump of water hyacinth, and think “OMG, that is so me!”? No? Well, you should explore self reflection exercises more often. It’s very good for personal growth. Anyway, here is a collection of plants and animals commonly seen in the SE Louisiana swamps and what their personalities say about you! Pick one out and share with your friends!

1. American Alligator

Although you publicly hate attention and can most often be found in your most comfortable environments, namely your couch or nestled below a stagnant body of water, you love to know that people want to see you and are just a bit afraid of you. You’re really not aggressive unless someone messes with you or your family. You tend not to move to often, unless food is being offered. Even better if its chicken wings, preferably suspended a foot over your bed. See ya later, alligator!

2. Green Tree Frog

Everybody thinks you’re adorable, regardless of the fact that you’re always a little bit damp. People love to take you wherever you want to go, whether its the side of a tree or a lily pad. You’re happy just hanging out while somebody else does the work paddling you to new places, which is something you should consider working on because it’s kind of selfish, but nobody will ever say anything because you’re so darn cute.

3. Water Hyacinth

Wow, if the frog in #2 is a loveable scamp, you are an irritating nuisance. The complete opposite of the frog. You rolled up in the swamps 120 years ago completely uninvited, and have since taken over the place like you own it. You have no problem sucking the oxygen out of any situation, and are totally cool with trapping kayakers in your stems because in your mind, if they’re stuck they *want* to be hanging out. You need to put down some roots and just settle down, because you’re very unpredictable and can make everybodies’ days harder.

4. Alligator Gar

You are mysterious but like to make your presence known with quick splashes, like the phantom of the opera. Your identity is threefold, as equal parts alligator, fish, and fossil. You love dressing like a bygone era, an in this case, an era that has been completely unchanged for the last several million years. We admire your tenacity, but urge you to get with the times.

5. Bald Cypress

You exude confidence, which is great because you’re also bald for some of the year. You’re the skinny girl of trees and you know you photograph well. That being said, you’re not cocky — you’re not like that Live Oak that moved to New Orleans and thinks she’s all that. You’ve got a killer set of knees that you love to show off. Drop those leaves, girl!

Well, there you have it! Next time you’re floating with us, make sure to ask your guide about every plant and animal’s unique personification. They’re required to know!!