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A Culinary Canine

A thrilling story by a classic soul

Mike Maher


The friggin dog keeps popping up on the counter to scrounge some food. I told the lil guy “hey buddy, stop doing that, I’m serious, I’m really serious”, but he keeps going for it anyway. Yesterday the lil sausage jumped up and grabbed the whole rotisserie chicken when I was in the other room! The whole dang bird, $5.95 at walmart. You know what I did, I walked right in there, took the bird from him and said “listen pal, I’m really serious, stop stealing my dang birds”. And ya know I’m feeding him friggin grain-free, the good stuff he’s getting salmon he’s getting lamb, the good stuff. Spending bout half my dang pay check on the bag. But hey he doesn’t listen, last night he jumped up and snagged a whole sausage link for my red beans, the lil scamp! So I went up to the fella and said “hey listen here, guy, that’s my friggin sausage and you gotta stop taking all my sausages and all my gosh darn birds.” I think he got the message this time so I went out the backyard, cracked open a nice cold busch and took a bath in some of that bug spray they say’ll give ya cancer.



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